MQFF 2021 Film Review: Colours of Tobi
Images courtesy of Melbourne Queer Film Festival.
Perhaps what director Alexa Bakony does best with her documentary Colours of Tobi, is making us forget that she was even there. For a documentary focusing on such a sensitive and deeply personal topic as a person’s journey to self-discovery and the navigation of gender identity, the Tuza family always appears natural and vulnerable, sharing their deepest concerns and anxieties with each other. And it is through this ability to be invisible that the beauty of Bakony’s work emerges, as it is undeniable that the warmth and love of the Tuza family is what audiences will take away from this film.
From the opening seconds of her film Bakony is able to completely submerge her viewers within the life of Tobi. She does this literally by thrusting us inside home video of Tobi’s sonogram. As I watched embryo Tobi placidly bobbing around inside his mothers womb, and knowing the long journey of gender discovery that was to come, I found it fitting then that Bakony began her film with this sonogram, as perhaps this is the only place for each of us where we are truly free from any pressures or performances of hegemonic gender expression. Once we leave the womb is a different story entirely, as Tobi deftly shows us. At the film’s outset, Tobi views himself as a transgender man, and the beauty of Bakony’s film is that she is offering an insight and perspective not often depicted, the point of view of the supportive family. It is clear that Tobi is the central tenet of the documentary, but his parents, and in particular his mother Eva are integral figures that lend the film its unique voice. Tobi’s family are entirely supportive of his gender expression, a notion that sadly does stand out amidst so many stories of unsupportive parents. Several scenes depict this, including Tobi’s mother and father helping him fill out gender change and name modification forms. As Tobi signs his deadname onto the official form, we hear his mother say, “we hope you don’t have to write down this name ever again”.
Bakony includes several scenes that are punctuated by crying, and whilst many tears are due to joy, unavoidably many are also due to sadness. A journey as meaningful as gender identity will always be fraught with moments of mistakes for everyone involved, and Bakony’s inclusion of several scenes depicting this brings a welcomed level of nuance and heightened complexity to an already complex subject. A poignant scene depicting such turbulent moments occurs during Tobi’s 18th birthday party, when Eva mentions Tobi’s deadname. This upsets Tobi and causes him to go to his room and cry to his father. Interestingly however, Bakony chooses to remain with Eva, as she explains to her eldest daughter her own struggles with coming to terms with the ways Tobi now wishes to be seen, as well as her own memories of Tobi prior to coming out. Bakony frames Eva with an understanding lense, letting Eva vent out her feelings of sadness for a version of her child she believes she has lost, a perspective not often considered within the context of supportive parents of queer children.
This film in a sense then becomes many things; a guide for other parents of queer children, an acknowledgement of the struggle to define oneself, a haven of forgiveness to the people who make mistakes on their journeys of self-education, and chiefly a thank you to all people who like Tobi’s family, are completely supportive of their children, even if they do not completely understand them yet. Eva surmises the film’s ethos very simply towards the end of the film. After Tobi has come out as non-binary to his parents, a concept not fully comprehended by his mother, she holds Tobi’s face in her hands and says to him “My non-binary child, I love you”.
Colours of Tobi is scheduled to play at the Melbourne Queer Film Festival running from the 18th to the 29th of November. Tickets are available now - click here for more info.